On occasion, we like to embark on a cooking adventure clearly out of our reach, one that will take an absurd amount of effort and will be a claim of willpower and sheer determination, that will feed us for days and make us feel like kings.
We totally had no intention of this next recipe being anything like that.
It was supposed to be small and cute and we didn't want it to last 4.5 hours in preparation. Instead it turned into a delicious monstrosity that I regret for even imagining, and yet, it was wonderful. And you, too, will have the pleasure of comprehending it.
Dismally Large Deep Dish Pizza
We will enjoy this masterpiece in two steps! Because we refused to half ass this, we made the delicious dough, letting it rise, and only then creating the abomination. Any by me, I mean Lovely Assistant. Skilled artist hands and such.
Seen here staring down the dough, lest it misbehave.
Ingredients:
3 cups unbleached, all purpose flour
1 package active dry yeast, fast rising
3/4 tsp salt
1 1/4 c water, hot
2 tsp honey
Deep dish pizza pan
The trick to making bread is, um, something I don't actually know, because I truthfully don't have much experience. But I will offer a general guide. Just don't be surprised if the yeast decides it hates you because I don't give you the secret to taming wild fungi.
Mix around 2 cups flour and the yeast and salt and such in a large bowl with whatever materials you have. I mean, it's three dry ingredients, so hands or a fork isn't too drastic a step. Then pour in the water and honey (make the honey hot so it blends well) and mix like a champ with whatever you have on hand (wooden spoon)? And throw in the rest of the flour like a boss to get it to a nice consistency. Take the doughball and put it on a cutting board or covered counter, dusted with flour.
Now roll it LIKE. A PRINCE. Knead the dough repeatedly, for 8 to 10 minutes, until it is smooth and uniform. Add flour as necessary to prevent the dough from being hella sticky and coating your fingers.
Throw the doughball into a large bowl that has been sprayed with PAM and cover with Saran wrap and a towel. Throw somewhere pleasantly warm permit to rise for 30 or 40 minutes, until doubled in size. (Like outside, if it's the middle of the summer and you live in the South. It's warm and moist and nasty outside wherever you go! Easy!) When it's risen, punch that sucker down like it's taking your wallet, cover again and let rest for 10 minutes. Take that guy and roll him into a deep dish pan that you sprayed with PAM, because surely you sprayed it and surely it's coated in PAM. It should cover the bottom of the pan AND cover the sides. If you aren't ready to pour everything in, keep punching it down from time to time, because it gets excited and doesn't know when to stop.
STEP TWO IS AWESOME
Ingredients:
EVERYTHING YOU WANT IN A PIZZA
Like fat free cheeses, because feta and cheddar are pretty awesome
Also, 2 cans tomato sauce
And maybe some mushrooms and pineapple and spinach and tomato and onion and chicken
You fill that monstrosity up with your toppings so it likes it. Chicago style says you put the sauce on top, so we suggest a layer of cheese, and then a layer of meats and vegetables, and then the sauce, and then a topping of cheese and finely chopped tomatoes.
NOW put it in the oven at 500 degrees and get ready for AWESOME. By which I mean wait like an hour and thirty minutes. Also put some aluminum foil under it because it's gonna bubble up. Wait for it to be relatively solid when you take it out and then cut that beast and eat it with a fork and knife.
We don't have any pictures of the finished product. We were too busy EATING IT.
Next on the list of corruptions:
Lasagna
Crab Cakes
Tiramisu
Noodle Kugel
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